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a picture with a twist by ~sufferingchild:iconsufferingchild:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Emotional




I\'m going to draw a picture
A picture with a twist
I\'ll draw it with a razor blade
I\'ll draw it on my wrist
As I draw this picture
A fountain will appear
And as this fountain flows
My troubles will disappear
And as my troubles disappear
They will keep coming back
And drive me to draw this picture again
So many times I have lost track
So I keep on drawing
And keep asking for more
But there is none left to give, my pen runs dry
As I fall to the floor.
©2003-2009 ~sufferingchild
:iconsufferingchild:

Author's Comments

i was really sad and depressed when i wrote this

Comments


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:iconlivingbyair:
=livingbyair Feb 16, 2003, 8:41:32 PM
not that i dont like the poem...but thats just not kew - dont slit your wrist
:iconsterbenlicht:
*sterbenlicht Feb 16, 2003, 8:42:40 PM
omg i'm speechless

this poem does the full job of a poem...........

you're an amazing writer (or at least i think so) this is incredible

--
* sterbenlicht is away: taking care of business
<Nex9k9> sterbenlicht is a srs bsnsman.
:iconafireinsideme:
~afireinsideme Feb 16, 2003, 8:48:14 PM
I love the poem, but change the syncopation on some of the lines perhaps? It kind of throws the reader off. Anyway, I really like the image you give and how you give it. Don't worry... I have my own pretty artworks dancing on my wrists so I won't say anything against it...

--
The problem is that the absurdity becomes the accepted reality. ~me
:iconsuccor:
~succor Feb 16, 2003, 9:48:08 PM
I love this... Not too long, and gets the point across so well. Great expression and I like the rhyming scheme. Simple, but great.
:iconbleachinopenscars:
~bleachinopenscars Apr 4, 2003, 4:49:11 PM
this is a great poem...it does get the point across very well, quickly, in 16 short lines... i love the idea of "a picture with a twist"... and i love your rhyming! it happens to be one of the things that im not too good with, and i really appreciate a natural talent for rhyming things... great rhythm in this also, and the comparison between your pen n blood is just superb... great writing, n great work.

--
'its not a sport its an art; its not your head, its your heart'
:iconcoreorange:
~coreorange Apr 7, 2003, 7:47:29 PM
Quite an elicit conclusion to life's many troubles, but only a few will understand it all.

--
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:iconflaery:
=flaery Apr 14, 2003, 4:52:50 AM
The only criticism I have is to write the punctutation that is obviously there--certain pauses, etc. I like the vivid imagery in this one. It's a painful topic (no pun intended) and I think you tackled it well.

--
Spread the love . . . :hug: and :relax:

Mmmm . . . :iconpie-cult:
:iconnadram:
~nadram Apr 15, 2003, 3:05:43 PM
Lovely poetry(of its kind). I like the way you wrote it, the construction of the sentences gives rhythm to the poem.

--
-----------------

Amelie Sorel

PSYKOKRONIK.net
:iconshadow-stalker:
~shadow-stalker Sep 9, 2003, 10:02:42 AM
i love this, it is actually quite beautiful... it goes perfectly with the picture... it is amazing.. you are a wonderful writer.

ShadowStalker
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February 16, 2003
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